you know what sucks? realizing that you probably missed out on something great just because you were afraid to take that invigorating dive. i miss you like hell sometimes. yesterday, when you told me about how it felt like a kick to the face when i abandoned you, i'm just like shit, that's how i feel right now.

see, no one loves you more than me, and no one ever will.

we've all been fighting over the most trivial of things. i know one of my greatest flaws is my attitude problem. i've acknowledged this perplexity for quite some time now, but i've never seen the need in change.

i believe i'm an overall nice person, but sometimes, i can be really ...bitchy. i can just be really mean, even over the smallest of situations. it's like, why should i care if my care is neglected? i don't have that much sympathy running through my veins. despite all the times you have wronged me, i've never neglected you. i choose not to apologize, because i explain why i'm indignant, i have justifiable reasons on why my actions result into how it does. but for you, ego surpasses all. you're not willing to just apologize, even if you chose to understand, because you value your ego more than your relationships. my ego isn't the reason why i didn't apologize, i just didn't feel like i've done anything wrong. like about half of the population, i hope, i value sincerity. in the end, i wasn't even asking for an apology, i just wanted you to understand why i went the way i did.

in my defense, i believe my attitude is natural. it's human, habitual tendency. i know my attitude shuts a lot of doors. i tend to not get along with most. i'm rather selective on who i hang out with. yeah yeah, one can say being mean is "wrong," because most see things in black and white, but my life has never been grounded on the "norms." i've never lived up to anyone else's expectations. the way i'm naturally built should be understood. it's like, if i accept me, shouldn't you? if you can't handle me, leave? it's simple as that. hypocritically, i am intolerant of the intolerant.

but then again, hence: CHANGE. i am going to minimize my bitchiness and stop hurting the people i care about. i just want them to realize that it was never my intentions to hurt others. some just need to understand i really do overlook the small things, they don't phase me. just redirect your energy to something more IMPORTANT. stop being so dramatic as you express how you feel, sometimes.

this doesn't mean i'm changing because others have problems with it, this doesn't mean i don't love myself. i want change because i don't want my attitude to be the reason of my problems in the future. so minimize, minimize, minimize, since for a long time, i had no intention of changing myself, damn my stubbornness. but, time have changed and i am forced to reconsider. for as long as i could remember, i've been surrounded by walls of pride, and no matter how much i say i am bold enough to fall weak, i am just as human as the rest, falling into a vulnerable state makes me tremble.

but, if there's one thing i'm good at, i'll just live and learn. the hard way.

thoughts of you begin to creep up from the back of my mind, resurfacing itself, from time to time. visualizations of the could be's insinuate as each moment passes by. the minute you are imminent, i can sense your eyes upon me and my every move. what i don't apprehend is why you try to ignore it. are you afraid that for once, someone just might understand you beyond what may come out of your mouth, that i just might got you all figured out? are you intimidated by the fact that i might just possibly have you wrapped around my finger? or could it be that you can't feel my admiration towards you? why are we trying to front these mutual, sentimental feelings? but i guess, once again, time will play its part as it's done so far for us and maybe you will pass that friend boundary as the future unfolds. but until then, like i've said before, i believe you'll continue to be that genuine crush of mine.

you know, like those crushes where you've done nothing but pass by constantly, have never exchanged more than a few words, hi's & bye's, daydream about the possibility of a future, and you can see that he can get on your level, but nonetheless, ain't nothing but acquaintances. it's like, you can keep tryna brush it off, hide it in the rug, but that wouldn't help, because it'd still be around. still stuck on this fooool for a cool minute, but the elements of the world tell us that we can't be together. i don't know, no lovey dovey shit, i'm just attracted in a strong way, physically and mentally, like i can't control myself.

but then again, maybe you aren't meant to mean more than you just do now. just to save me from a heart break, 'cause i can totally skip that part for now.

you know what sucks? realizing that you probably missed out on something great just because you were afraid to take that invigorating dive. i miss you like hell sometimes. yesterday, when you told me about how it felt like a kick to the face when i abandoned you, i'm just like shit, that's how i feel right now.

see, no one loves you more than me, and no one ever will.

we've all been fighting over the most trivial of things. i know one of my greatest flaws is my attitude problem. i've acknowledged this perplexity for quite some time now, but i've never seen the need in change.

i believe i'm an overall nice person, but sometimes, i can be really ...bitchy. i can just be really mean, even over the smallest of situations. it's like, why should i care if my care is neglected? i don't have that much sympathy running through my veins. despite all the times you have wronged me, i've never neglected you. i choose not to apologize, because i explain why i'm indignant, i have justifiable reasons on why my actions result into how it does. but for you, ego surpasses all. you're not willing to just apologize, even if you chose to understand, because you value your ego more than your relationships. my ego isn't the reason why i didn't apologize, i just didn't feel like i've done anything wrong. like about half of the population, i hope, i value sincerity. in the end, i wasn't even asking for an apology, i just wanted you to understand why i went the way i did.

in my defense, i believe my attitude is natural. it's human, habitual tendency. i know my attitude shuts a lot of doors. i tend to not get along with most. i'm rather selective on who i hang out with. yeah yeah, one can say being mean is "wrong," because most see things in black and white, but my life has never been grounded on the "norms." i've never lived up to anyone else's expectations. the way i'm naturally built should be understood. it's like, if i accept me, shouldn't you? if you can't handle me, leave? it's simple as that. hypocritically, i am intolerant of the intolerant.

but then again, hence: CHANGE. i am going to minimize my bitchiness and stop hurting the people i care about. i just want them to realize that it was never my intentions to hurt others. some just need to understand i really do overlook the small things, they don't phase me. just redirect your energy to something more IMPORTANT. stop being so dramatic as you express how you feel, sometimes.

this doesn't mean i'm changing because others have problems with it, this doesn't mean i don't love myself. i want change because i don't want my attitude to be the reason of my problems in the future. so minimize, minimize, minimize, since for a long time, i had no intention of changing myself, damn my stubbornness. but, time have changed and i am forced to reconsider. for as long as i could remember, i've been surrounded by walls of pride, and no matter how much i say i am bold enough to fall weak, i am just as human as the rest, falling into a vulnerable state makes me tremble.

but, if there's one thing i'm good at, i'll just live and learn. the hard way.

thoughts of you begin to creep up from the back of my mind, resurfacing itself, from time to time. visualizations of the could be's insinuate as each moment passes by. the minute you are imminent, i can sense your eyes upon me and my every move. what i don't apprehend is why you try to ignore it. are you afraid that for once, someone just might understand you beyond what may come out of your mouth, that i just might got you all figured out? are you intimidated by the fact that i might just possibly have you wrapped around my finger? or could it be that you can't feel my admiration towards you? why are we trying to front these mutual, sentimental feelings? but i guess, once again, time will play its part as it's done so far for us and maybe you will pass that friend boundary as the future unfolds. but until then, like i've said before, i believe you'll continue to be that genuine crush of mine.

you know, like those crushes where you've done nothing but pass by constantly, have never exchanged more than a few words, hi's & bye's, daydream about the possibility of a future, and you can see that he can get on your level, but nonetheless, ain't nothing but acquaintances. it's like, you can keep tryna brush it off, hide it in the rug, but that wouldn't help, because it'd still be around. still stuck on this fooool for a cool minute, but the elements of the world tell us that we can't be together. i don't know, no lovey dovey shit, i'm just attracted in a strong way, physically and mentally, like i can't control myself.

but then again, maybe you aren't meant to mean more than you just do now. just to save me from a heart break, 'cause i can totally skip that part for now.